Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
