3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You pole danced in your parka.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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