She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
