Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
