I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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