I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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