What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
