I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
