i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
