Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
