I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
