That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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