oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
