Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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