I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My penis needs a shock collar
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
