Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
