Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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