dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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