tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
