he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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