Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
