you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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