I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
