why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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