i wish my penis had a tongue
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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