dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize