Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
