I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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