so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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