it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
