I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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