so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
