Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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