is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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