the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
should my penis look like a turkey
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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