we're blogging at a bar
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
