If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
