butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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