She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's not a walk of shame if you run
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
