whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
