Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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