I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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