3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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