It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
