Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
