i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
