worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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