It's Friday. Sex?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
