I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
