There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
