theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
