Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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