i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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