Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
