smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
