I hate all girls vehemently.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
