I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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