I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
