Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
