I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm at about main and main street
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
