im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
