i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize