I want to walk on stilts...naked
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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