im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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